Wednesday, October 11, 2017

i dug this up while looking in my email

My friend from psych sent me this after I did a psych experiment during June 3rd, 2015 at 10:30 am. 

This report compares "me" from the country Canada to other females less than 21 years of age. This report estimates the individual's level on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The description of each one of the five broad domains is followed by a more detailed description of personality according to the six subdomains that comprise each domain.



Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.
  • Your level of gregariousness is high.
    • Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale.
  • Your level of friendliness is average.
    • Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved.
  • Your level of positive emotions is high.
    • This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits.
  • Your activity level is average.
    • Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. 
  • Your level of excitement-seeking is average.
    • High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. 

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

  • Your level of morality is low.
    • High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. 
  • Your level of compliance is high.
    • Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. 
  • Your level of modesty is low.
    • High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. 
  • Your level of tender-mindedness is low.
    • People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.
  • Your level of trust is high.
  • Your level of altruism is average.
Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

  • Your level of self-efficacy is low.
    •  Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives.
  • Your level of orderliness is high.
    •  Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. 
  • Your level of dutifulness is high.
    • This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. 
  • Your level of achievement striving is low.
    • Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy.
  • Your level of cautiousness is average.
    • Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. 
  • Your level of self-discipline is average.




Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.
  • Your level of anger is low.
    • Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily.
  • Your level of depression is low.
    • This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings.
  • Your level or self-consciousness is average.
    • Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. 
  • Your level of immoderation is high.
    • Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge.
  • Your level of vulnerability is average.

Your score on Openness to Experience is low, indicating you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative.



  • Your level of imagination is low.
    • To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. 
  • Your level of artistic interests is average.
    • High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. 
  • Your level of emotionality is high.
    • Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. 
  • Your level of adventurousness is average.
    • High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines.
  • Your level of intellect is low.
    • Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. 
  • Your level of liberalism is average.
    • Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties.









Monday, October 09, 2017

the epitomy of man

"all human beings need touch, caring, warmth, empathy, and close relationships. But as we grow up, most of us lose those essential components of our humanity."

Thursday, September 28, 2017

ideas inspired by bill wurtz

rice + oily food, the rice gets covered with oil and shines
eat my leftovers tomorrow (dunnnn)
feelings during speech
jazz jacuzzi
a hair carpet
blue sky, white clouds, but red sun??? GHGS are collecting and stuff
spadina streetcar is sad
i can't start to hate this book otherwise the course will be done for

Thursday, September 21, 2017

What do you mean "you only simmered it for 2 not 3 hours?!?!?!"

I'm cut off from someone and it will take a while for me to recover from that loss.
When it happened before, everything was centred on that loss.
I know that it's better now, but why am I still so sad? Is it better just to not try?

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

I downloaded Grammarly today

Sometimes I feel like I'm someone intent on such a stubborn goal that nothing around them matters (language, behaviour etc), like one of those asian dudes that take up paragraphs explaining an answer to a question. That sort of energy but I expend it towards more useless things such as writing about life, happenings that occur and general things that don't really help.

So far I've lacked the motivation to do stuff again. It comes in periods where I'm either suffering heatstroke or "emotional boredom"???
It seems like when I don't talk that much it gradually gets harder to express the things I'm thinking. Sometimes it gets easier, but more and more I'm noticing this gap between thought and speech. Which worries me.

When I get started on a topic (like teaching) it's hard to stop talking, and my excitement translates into a garble of disorganized sentences with no beginning and end and a million commas...

Thursday, September 14, 2017

To elaborate,

Where have all my interests gone?
Have I devolved to a stay-at-home,
Netflix-binging kind of mom?
To elaborate,
I did not just binge-watch half a season of Bojack Horseman,
I'd just fallen asleep midway through.
My love of going outside has been transformed
To one of loving characters that go outside
To have better adventures than I'll ever dream of.

What happened to that childhood me,
One whose mind was clear like the rain
And took delight
Simply in a bug crawling on a leaf?

Look at me now
Doing my own taxes,
My love life a knotted ball of yarn
Breaking into tears every so often,
Wishing that life was an eternal childhood.

Is living but a lament
To our younger years,
Always wishing never getting
The privilege we once had?


Since when did society transition all of a sudden to netflix and chill queens? The thing that's now gonna kill us is not type 2 diabetes from high cholesterol, but instead type 2 diabetes from inactivity.
Today me and Geoff watched a documentary on diet and disease, and the people interviewed in some scenes showed regret for their ignorant lifestyle, only to be left with a disease that will now follow them for the rest of their life. I think that moment of realization of "my life is gone" is a terrible experience that no one should experience (imagining if it happened to me was the worst) but at the same time, there should be a balance for palliative care and population increase. If I had known what every hour of sitting would do to me in the long run I'd want to never sit again. Just like eating red meat supposedly. But the problem is that we're not that advanced yet. What do we do in the meantime, our smarts aren't good enough yet so we're trapped in the limit of our own minds.
What's more alarming to me is that so many things get in the way of fully embracing something nowadays. Focusing on one thing for an extended period of time is something I really need to do right now.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

stress again

I felt a really strong wave of anxiety just now.
Procrastinating is just making things worse and even when I try to relax and to do something else my brain thinks like I'm wasting time.
I'm applying to bachelors of education and sigh, the MOMENT OF TRUTH is here. Reference collecting... I feel like the worst person in the world for some reason, just asking for a reference out of nowhere but that's the problem with academia, it's so inorganic and only works because of professionally written e-mails because who needs to be eloquent anymore

and at the same time I should be looking into programs everywhere, it seems like teaching is easy to get in but it's not true if you don't have all the courses lol

and everything just seems like a dead end, whether it's lack of interest or