i kind of have a little crush on mark ruffalo now

I'm amazed one person should not look this good as 2 different, somewhat aged characters in a movie

"research" for my essay

Mr. Hughes was said to have protected his children from details about their mother’s suicide for many years. But in at least one poem he seemed to indicate that Nicholas, who was only 1 at the time of her death, was pained even as a small child, recalling in one stanza how Nicholas’s eyes “Became wet jewels/ The hardest substance of the purest pain/ As I fed him in his high white chair." (nyt)

city life

there is an old man standing
at the pole on the train
he is cackling to himself and
tossing feet around

it's at times like this
that i wish i were invisible
playing dead to the world
living mountain

hillsides growing gingko and pine
my stones rubbed smooth
by the murky water
translucent with memories.

Liszt's Transcendental Etudes plays in the background

Suddenly, I was left with the very sobering thought of my debt. I'd graduate, attempt to pay them back, fail to, and a huge pile of interest would pile on, each day adding to the pile like the shoes in Auschwitz. Obviously there's less malicious intent. I'm not saying the government is Nazis, because I'm grateful for even the opportunity to gain so much financial support over such a long time, but at the same time I wish that $40,000 wasn't there.

I've tried intermittent fasting and tonight was the first time in 5 days that I broke my 16 hour fast. It definitely helps with willpower and keeping on top of school.

I gave my pentax camera to Sunny today. I feel its loss as a heavy paperweight on my bookshelf. We had a good run.