summer hail

Night kind of falls, leaving a musky dark grey-blue sky. 

It is 7 pm and there’s a commotion outside again. Sounds like a tsunami rushing upon the house, but it’s just rain again. Oh, wait. It’s white hail! 

I climb onto my bed and look out the window, bobbing a little. I step out onto the old creaky wood balcony (attached to the house at the last minute and left to rot for years) to look at the hail. I wished my roof didn’t jut out so much so I could stick my hand out and feel the hail hit my hand. 

The rushing sound outside is incredible, and torrents of water are flowing southwards in the back alley. I look over to my neighbour’s house and see a man in a pink hoodie standing on his balcony, looking at the hail just as I was doing. I turn and we make eye contact, and we both say hi. Then I walk back inside.  

Romanticism is dead in this post-modern age.

je te veux

I like Kylin. I like Nina. I like Maya. I like writing in my journal. Creative writing is good too if you don’t overthink it. I like oil pastels. All the likes can be overridden with one hate. I like working one day a month. I like wondering what I’m going to do in the summer. It’s the tension in the background you don’t see, like student loans or even more in the foreground, bank loans. 

I seldom look up when I walk on downtown Toronto pavement, and when I do, I look past the mismatched buildings at the condos extending into the sky, which is where Naim now lives. 

I feel proud of myself after reading a couple of entries from 2017 and 2018. Progress. Time is muscle. 

I obtained a fortune from a cookie: “truth can be harsh, but it can be helpful”. I think of spilling my guts out into my journal, a negative emotion flooding the pages. 

This all started because I wanted to pen down a scene. 

It’s raining. Or is it snowing? Either way, there’s some sort of sleet in the air and falling downwards. I am at home, in my pyjamas. There is a grey tinge in the air. 

 April. Some days seem to never end. Everyone is staying at home, happily (?) 

Right now I am reading a story about a girl with an abusive mother. It reminds me of some bad thoughts I had a couple of days ago. My life is fiction right now. 

Sometimes you just need to let go of existing in the present moment. Easier said than done though, I’m constantly playing music in my room in an effort to 

-and then it ends

 

lol its april 1 202002020200202

ebola COVID this year yay

after china

what if all my blog posts were written in between two big life events? it's like a small life came out of this waiting period, which would be pretty representative of how my life feels right now.
that would be a cool idea for a book or a comic or something. The two events being before and after:
-my trip to china (obviously)
-graduation (eh)
-moving out (eh)
-a happy mood and a distressed mood (too deep)
-the creation of my blog (whoa deep)
-my life (lol)

i put these ideas into point form because i thought there'd be more than one but honestly i ran out of good ideas after the first point.

I'm really close to graduating and moving away from Toronto, which saddens me. Before my china trip I wasn't really thinking about it, but now that I'm back and crashing on Emily's extra bed that Aron gave her before he moved back to Calgary to finish school, my life's been pretty up and down. This past week I went from neutral to despairing 

After convocation I plan to head back to Calgary and spend the rest of my summer looking for jobs. I was recently rejected for pharmacy again, so I was pretty bummed out about that. Kevin got in, though.

the level of things is just...extraordinary

I really have too many things going on at once. I should delete things. Or somehow consolidate things. Can I download my blog into pdfs?

It's april already.

I can still remember writing my last post.

In a desperate attempt to make my nails look better, I bought apricot cuticle oil from shoppers. It looks and smells delicious.

Today was a stay at home day with my e-mails, critique, and greek food. I seem to have gotten over the rejections quite well. It only took me two or three days.

Now it's the last final exam period and then China!!

i guess i should keep this going somehow

I wake up from my neighbour's bed, walk a stretch of 5 feet and enter my little hole in the wall. I check my e-mails, and deal with the rejection letter from OISE. Now all I can think about is the wall of rejection. I couldn't tell whether I should be sad or just get on with life, as these things obviously will happen. I think the best plan of action from here is just not to hide it, and embrace it fully.