Being careful not to feed the fb marketplace and online shopping gremlin
again i feel pulled in too many directions. maplestory at work, pharmacy on the weekends, new canadian impressionism being that spark in my week that time is always trying to slow down for. tamagotchi tomorrow, still need to set up my airtags and clean my room. sell my stuff so i can clear up my apartment.
It’s too difficult to be a full-time scientist and have lengthy, enjoyable, leisure time. I feel I have no choice but to be a part-time scientist.
Just think about it
So many articles pushed out by journals every year, by full-time academics who live in the post secondary world, where words have significant meaning. Each time a handful of papers is added to the evidence base for one of a million diseases we advance treatment, or disease state understanding, which is translated to actionable items to us, the part-time scientists and full time healthcare workers, akin to the shouting of brief directions by a farmer to his workers. In order to fully become a competent scientist, I need to stay up to date on the evidence and refresh what I know, but there’s no more capacity on that right now.
I feel so far removed from this world, that even now, reading scientific literature gives me a headache. I hated reading papers in undergrad and i still hate it. I’d rather dedicate my time to learning about the useless, such as how to wield a palette knife or the newest generation of tamagotchi. This at least gives my brain some stimulation. Perhaps my brain has craved this for a long time.
This world of part time scientist fits me better, but there’s always guilt in not dedicating enough time to my craft, to benefit patients or society as a whole. Don’t even get me started on optimism and how it benefits leaders in the healthcare system. To be explored later.
There’s the creeping feeling that I’m not supposed to be doing this, which started in pharmacy school and now makes me stop and think at least once a year.
Is the world of science the one for me? Have I become jaded? Is my inner chemistry somehow unbalanced or undergoing changes as I grow older? Careers can be changed, I keep telling myself, but despite these doubts I keep chugging on. These appointments cannot be missed. The work must get done. Bills need to be paid.