a photo essay
i remember going out in my pjs after a big snowfall, wanting to take some pictures of the fading light. i wanted to feel comfortable. i think i just woke up from a nap and felt too lazy to change. i remember the dread i felt going back home, knowing my parents would bicker and sometimes turn their anger towards me. i remember that feeling in the pit of my stomach, although less vividly than before. i remember living in a blur, feeling trapped inside my room, trying not to think too far ahead. then uploading these pictures online and joking about using them as christmas cards in an attempt to fit in, why did i do that when it didn't matter.
this photo evokes a sense of accomplishment. the dread of returning home. the wonder at what our bodies can accomplish. a pure feeling of exploring the unknown. sad and jealous that this old friend would be gone from my life soon, not knowing what adventures he'd embark on. after this downward trek/skid/climb with tom we walked to dalhousie station, all the way from the cliffs at bowmont park. my feet were freezing, i had on a pair of converse sneakers. i just realized that i've never used google maps to search up this area, always just knew it from memory like the skin on the back of my fingers. the time i spent in that park preceded memory and smartphones. it was like living a whole different life. i remember it so vividly, i feel that life when i go back to visit but i know that i will never be able to go back. even the google street view pictures are from 2012. this picture was taken in 2013.
those were the days of shopping at value village, burning my own cds, wearing hand me downs from friends, winter sweaters that were too big for me and posting whatever i wanted online.
i had astutely put the caption "reminds me of home" on this one.
i had fun taking this picture and series of photos. it was an unusually warm winter day. i took my trusty tripod and trekked into this mini ravine by the elementary school. i remember feeling like a character from richard yates sitting at the ledge. or marian from the edible woman, walking through queen's park at night. feeling sad about passing seasons, a visible reminder of lost time.
i think on most occasions the photos were taken out of boredom and loneliness. also it was (and is) a way for me to continue feeling motivated. i'd think, one more photo dump and i can move on. it also gave me an opportunity to feel relaxed and at peace with the world. i had so many doubts and uncertainties back then, i would have been 17 (2012-2013). i have over 20 pictures of the same area at bowmont park overlooking the bow river, in fall, summer, winter...i guess i never got tired of it. i'm glad i had such a nice park to develop my budding photography skills in.
i guess this was a love letter to bowmont park, and not to hawkwood because there aren’t many nice parks. i think my parents became more unhappy once they had to start paying a mortgage. whatever other stuff that happened. at bowmont i had the world at my backyard and i never got to finish exploring it. but a lot of life events happened in hawkwood, like getting into university and getting into pharmacy. the time i spent at bowmont park was between junior high to high school, an unforgettable time.
