wow

"the 21st century’s wormy world is likely to comprise mosaics of parasite prevalence and distribution not seen before, ultimately driven by a changing climate"
-butler text

the term "wormy world" brings to mind a festering ball of oversized cells with dark wriggling shapes inside, while the long stringy worms wrap around them, feverishly gyrating  :\

Lolita

"Here are two of King Akhnaten’s and Queen Nefertiti’s pre-nubile Nile daughters (that royal couple had a litter of six), wearing nothing but many necklaces of bright beads, relaxed on cushions, intact after three thousand years, with their soft brown puppybodies, cropped hair and long ebony eyes."

words I learned from Lolita 11 pages in:

ribald: referring to sex in a rude way

ardent: passionate

sibilant: hissing sound

aridity: bitter, pungent

impunity: immunity from injustice

fey: mystery, otherworldliness

poignant: keen sadness, regret

chameleonic: fickle, changeable

I took a nap

And when I woke up the sky looked like this.

I had a dream where I went to see an old busker every night just to hear him play. One night he was playing the acoustic guitar strumming with two acoustic guitar necks and plucking the strings of each one. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I enjoyed this spot he was at and listening to him play. He was playing on the roof of the bonsai shop in Chinatown at around 11 pm. Instead of looking cold and dirty, Chinatown had lots of silent traffic in the background with warm bokeh scattered everywhere. It was very romantic. We talked about each other and I woke up while he was telling me his wife or someone dear to him had died. The sadness lingered for a good 10 minutes as I drifted in and out of sleep, trying to capture the essence of his story.

Ai Weiwei

Today I went to the TIFF theatre to watch Human Flow 

The film itself was kind of boring but I couldn't pull my attention away from the glowing screen - a rectangle of light in this absolute quiet dark room. People walked across, in front of, and in the same plane as the camera, looking like ants. The way he frames his shots remind me of how I do it. Linear, arranged, capturing the whole picture. None of that artistic macro bullshit. Although when done right, it can be quite inspirational.
These days I can really focus on a song I like and listen to it all the way through while not doing anything. Maybe I'm turning into Nina.

I wrote a poem on hello poetry and it is "trending" today. Wonder if it'll disappear tomorrow.

1:30 pm cafe

I glanced at my reflection in the counter that I was sitting opposite to. The crack between the slabs of granite made it seem like my laptop and books were there, but I wasn't.

I guess this is an accurate representation of how I feel today.

a 30 minute chat with my parents and an actual blog post

Today I walked to College to meet Emily at Second Cup after successfully studying a chapter of physics at Robarts feeling rather pleased with myself, listening to Spotify's Discover Weekly playlist.

As I walked home my dad called eager to help with my Beijing paper and gave me some pointers with China's oil and gas industry and the heavy hydrocarbon problem. He said "most people wouldn't know of these issues but your dad is sensitive to them" while I waited for the streetcar with Emily. As I got off, still talking about anything, I told my dad about volunteering in a high school and he said that was good. We discussed moving back to calgary after university to "find myself", and I honestly didn't expect him to be so understanding all of a sudden. My mom told me Toronto is a dangerous place and I said only the certain parts you gotta watch out for, and we didn't talk for long. I realized she does the same thing I do when I suddenly think of a topic and want to change to it right after my current one, showing it with a bit of hesitation, and a "but, um...".  My sister talked to me about school at FEO and how she saw my picture on the wall and how she had weird classmates and was wearing a red riding hood costume for halloween.
It made me sad all of a sudden to think about all these events I'll be missing out on. But I can relive them through the pictures my parents will hopefully take. It doesn't seem like they enjoy taking pictures very much only for life landmark events or to show to their friends and distant family. Both me and my sister remember Mr. Yaris from FEO, which was kind of great.

I feel good being more independent. Especially after my parents called. Even though I didn't tell them how I was feeling talking to them about other things really helped. As it usually does after a good phone call. Even a bad phone call gives me contact I guess. 

some names jennifer has for margaret atwood:
Megan atweed
megan arwood

i dug this up while looking in my email

My friend from psych sent me this after I did a psych experiment during June 3rd, 2015 at 10:30 am. 

This report compares "me" from the country Canada to other females less than 21 years of age. This report estimates the individual's level on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The description of each one of the five broad domains is followed by a more detailed description of personality according to the six subdomains that comprise each domain.

Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

• Your level of gregariousness is high.
• Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale.
• Your level of friendliness is average.
• Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved.
• Your level of positive emotions is high.
• This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits.
• Your activity level is average.
• Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. 
• Your level of excitement-seeking is average.
• High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. 

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

• Your level of morality is low.
• High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. 
• Your level of compliance is high.
• Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. 
• Your level of modesty is low.
• High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. 
• Your level of tender-mindedness is low.
• People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.
• Your level of trust is high.
• Your level of altruism is average.

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

• Your level of self-efficacy is low.
•  Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives.
• Your level of orderliness is high.
•  Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. 
• Your level of dutifulness is high.
• This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. 
• Your level of achievement striving is low.
• Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy.
• Your level of cautiousness is average.
• Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. 
• Your level of self-discipline is average.

Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.

• Your level of anger is low.
• Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily.
• Your level of depression is low.
• This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings.
• Your level or self-consciousness is average.
• Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. 
• Your level of immoderation is high.
• Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge.
• Your level of vulnerability is average.

Your score on Openness to Experience is low, indicating you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative.

• Your level of imagination is low.
• To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. 
• Your level of artistic interests is average.
• High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. 
• Your level of emotionality is high.
• Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. 
• Your level of adventurousness is average.
• High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines.
• Your level of intellect is low.
• Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. 
• Your level of liberalism is average.
• Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties.

the epitomy of man

"all human beings need touch, caring, warmth, empathy, and close relationships. But as we grow up, most of us lose those essential components of our humanity."