IUD

 I wish i could carry myself like this everyday, spend a lil on a treat for myself, prioritizing self care by not working 

walking slow, giving myself the time to see and enjoy everything, even on a busy street like Bay st. Just blocking out all the sound. 

Interesting to feel pain when you are in public: pain is not something so easily communicated, i can only walk slowly and wince when another wave of cramps hits me, and not expect anything in return.  without pity there is a void, pain and pity go hand in hand, so what happens when you remove half? I saw it, at home in childhood, where the pain was met with more pain, or a meaningless amount of pity.  Women suffer bodily more than men and often this suffering is in silence. it takes a lot of internal strength to communicate your needs, I am realizing. 

On a more personal note, it feels like the pain has cleared my head and given me some perspective. 

For some time, I've thought that the insertion of an IUD (a simple T-shaped birth control device with strings) is more complicated than it seems. On the surface, the woman just needs to experience a bit of pain to receive long-acting birth control that will protect her from potentially more suffering (seems like a pretty good deal for $380.00), which makes her partner happy too. But it's not a purely selfish decision. With or without birth control, the biological responsibility still falls on the woman. Oppression of the sexes? Probably. Child bearing is nature's way of saying, "you are not equal." Thus, it is an illusion of shared responsibility. 

We are able to see past this. Those committed prospective fathers may be loving and caring, and I believe some would argue that all the chores and practicalities of life fall on them, so as to share the burden of pregnancy together. There is a masculine sheepishness they wear, messaging "if I want to be accepted, I should feel guilty." Is this fair? What is fair in an inherently sex-biased society?

-- 

Writers are confident in what they write. Therapy is helping me not to invalidate what I feel - I should apply the same thinking to my writing. What I write will be what I write. Try not to feel too much shame or embarrassment. Roots run deeper than you think - I have been telling myself that my emotions, thoughts, and even experiences weren't real. "That's them brainwashing you," my sister says, pointing to her head. 

I just spent $46 on stickers. that is all

Sunday April 6

Seems that ordering "good enough" items from Amazon is simpler and easier than walking from store to store, rifling through countless items

Been listening more to Patrick Teahan and just listened to the NYT article about being estranged from parents. 

Definitely relate to the "Doer" type of personality  

My stationary wishlist:

Kakuno F or EF 

New fountain pen for Y - I got this! 

confidential roller stamp 

midori whiteout tape

more a5 20 hole papers 

a thicker a5 20 ring binder

Some sort of thinner Hobonichi A5 notebook (haven't decided on any yet)

A5 notebook with dot grid that i can put into my 20 ring binder 😂 

dot markers (1 or 2) 

a clip to keep pages open

Midori - I got this!

earlier in the year I wanted to do purely A6 notebooks. now I feel they are too small for my liking. 

What stationary I’m using for 2025

 I got the reissued 2025-2029 A6 five year Hobonichi and have been enjoying writing summaries of my day in it 😊 

For longer format personal diary journalling, I’ve been using an A6 Stalogy grid notebook but find the lack of space challenging. Plus my hand falls off the book when I am scribbling on the right page. I will very likely need to switch to a different format soon.

I got Y and I the Hobonichi A6 planner, so far I’m really enjoying the simple layout and that we get to write in it together. I’m using more stationary in it as well lol

I plan to get the hobotoridori drawer pouch in february. I’m also excited about the tools and toys tin, which costs $45 and is full of useful things (mostly the clip and stamp and stickers). 

I think there are new colours in the kakuno, which I’m excited about.

It’s december 3rd

 And a lot’s happened in the past few months. A lot. 

Canada post strike

Trump got re-elected

Things are still expensive

Another friend gone

Karaoke 2 times (3rd one coming up)

Met a new guy

Group therapy came and gone

November was the month of appointments. December so far has been the month of rest. 

Acid reflux

Travelled to hamilton and mtl amidst precipitous job and relationship situations

Back on EI i wonder if my life will be as tumultuous as my dad’s, who was also collecting EI between contracts at a time. 

Comedones and Coats

I feel like a pore that has been unclogged after a long time. The clog has been present for what feels like a long time. 

Unfortunately the pore must continue to be clogged until I extract the comedone.

Unfortunately. 

- - -

This is a good opportunity to practice holding my emotions. 

For example, I can say: I just bought a new winter coat. It looks and feels amazing, and I love it. 

I feel strongly possessive towards…this coat. Similarly, I am cherishing this protective feeling. It’s like, “finally, I have the thing I want!”

But right now, it’s not yet cold enough to wear this coat. But I know that when the weather becomes colder, I will enjoy wearing it.